How to Find True Love After Divorce

attract men, be attractive to men, can't find love, can't find a boyfriend, catch him and keep him, cross cultural relationship, dating coach in Chicago, dating expats, dating in usa, expats dating, find love, find a love, find me a boyfriend, find me a girl, find me a girlfriend, find me a husband, find me a man, find me a wife, finding a girlfriend, finding a soulmate, help me find a man, help me find a boyfriend, how can I find love, how can I find true love, how do I find true love, how do you find love, how to find love, how to find the girl for you, how to find the guy for you, I want a boyfriend, I want a girlfriend, law of attraction for love, law of attraction relationship, Lorii Abela, Single after 40, single at 40, soulmate secret, tips for dating men, tips on dating for men, tips on dating for women, tips on dating men, to find love, what is a dating coach, what is romance, when will I find love, where to find a boyfriend, where to find a man, where to find love, will I find loveJuliet Jeske’s article caught my fancy when I was looking around for some stories on the net to help support dating expats over 40.  Her article Dating After Divorce: Wife Shoppers & Baby Momma Math talks about how difficult it is to deal with what she calls, “wife shoppers” or those men over 40 who are single, at the peak of their career and are out looking for the perfect wife to start a family with. She seems unhappy with her dating scene and this maybe because she still lives in fear of meeting and falling in love with again. It’s perfectly understandable for someone who has been through divorce but not a good practice when meeting men. She suppresses her joy when she goes out to meet men. This shouldn’t be the case if you want to answer the question, how can I find true love?

A divorce can cause someone to have doubts or fears about herself but the way to combat this is to go out there and take some risks. If you don’t, then you will really lose the opportunity to be with someone you deserve. If you are a woman past the age of 30 or 40, the scenario of a wife shopper asking you your age will be a constant thing that your dates will ask.

My advice to Juliet and to all the women and dating expats over 40 is to forget about your age when you’re dating. Don’t let your age limit your capacity to meet someone that you can spend the rest of your life with. If you think about your age every time you go out there, it is possible to miss out on some good opportunities of meeting someone.

Many women who are dating expats and are past their prime have this problem all the time. Insecurities build up once you start thinking about these things and everything else follows. The best thing to do right now is be at peace with where you are right now. Be perfectly fine with your age and the possibility that you can no longer have children. Once this is done, you just might be able to answer the question, how can I find true love? in the arms of someone who will love you for who you are and what you are capable of.

You see, the world is not just full of men who are “wife shoppers,” there are also those that have a genuine interest in being someone they love with or without children. These are the men that you might be missing out on if you are too hung up on thinking about your age and your capability to have children. How can I find love? is a question that you can only answer by letting go of your fears and doubt.

Happy Manifesting!

Leave a comment below and send me your thoughts! Thank you for visiting

Dating After Divorce: Wife Shoppers & Baby Momma Math by Juliet Jeske

I always thought I would have kids. My husband and I planned to eventually start a family, but at the age of 36 I discovered my husband was a closeted homosexual. My marriage immediately ended and I entered the dating pool past my prime reproductive years. I knew it would eventually take time to have a healthy relationship again, and I definitely felt like my biological clock wasn’t just ticking but banging loudly like Quasimodo’s bells throughout my entire body.

Because I am over 35, some men view me as a lousy match if they want to have kids. I didn’t think it would be this bad, but in my age range I tend to find hook-up artists who never want to settle down, men messed up from a break-up or divorce, extremely socially awkward men with no dating experience and the men I refer to as wife shoppers. A wife shopper is usually the following:

  • Over 40
  • Never Married – No children
  • At the peak of their professional career
  • About to buy property or has just bought property

Wife shoppers are men searching for the future mother of their children. They make no bones about wanting to start a family, and many won’t consider women over the age of 35. Women do lose reproductive capacity after 35, and in health terms pregnancies in older mothers are deemed higher risk. Yet none of my extended or immediate family members have had to use any extraordinary means to get pregnant. In fact, most got pregnant almost too easily; my aunt and my grandmother both had babies in their forties. So do I have to print out my medical history and that of my extended family and bring it on dates? Should I put it on my online dating profiles? Something tells me that bringing up fertility on a first date would cause most men to bolt.

I have discovered most wife shoppers through online dating websites. Something about online sites just make it too easy for them. Men can sort of pick the traits they prefer: height, build, eye color, hair color, age, and if a woman wants children. On dates, a wife shopper will bring up reproducing almost before they have ordered their first drink. One of the habits I have noticed is something I call baby momma math. My date will look at me, ask me my age again, and then I watch them adding up how long we would have to date before trying to start a family, and they aren’t exactly subtle about it. I have also gotten questions right off the bat such as:

  • What neighborhood do you think you would want to live in?
  • Private or public school?
  • How much debt do you have?
  • How many kids would you want to have?
  • Do you have a good relationship with your family?

I don’t remember this ever happening to me when I was in my twenties. Maybe it’s something about the personality traits of any man who waits until they are at the peak of their career before getting married and having kids. In their mind they have a checklist and once they have done everything else they want to accomplish in life they move on to starting a family.

Having my marriage end the way it did has given me major trust issues to begin with, so the idea of running down the aisle with a man hell-bent on becoming a father is terrifying. Divorce is hell on earth and the thought of having another divorce — only the second time with children — is especially nightmarish. Rushing into a situation in order to have children with a partner I barely know seems like a recipe for another divorce.

Of course, women have been doing this sort of thing for ages. It is almost a cliché — the single woman over a certain age talking about eggs, biological clocks and running out of time. When I meet a wife shopper, at first I think it is a good sign because at least this man isn’t like the multitudes who just seem to want to get laid and nothing else. But then I start to feel like little more than a womb.

Keeping a healthy marriage together, especially one with children, is extremely difficult. The union between the two adult partners should be the most important thing — communication, lifestyles, goals, and temperaments must work in harmony before the added stress and pressures of children are added to the mix. I have accepted that having a biological child may not happen for me, as I would rather not bring children into a haphazard marriage situation. I just wish I could find something in between the hook-up artists and the men who think nothing of ordering up a wife they way they would a sandwich.

About Lorii

Lorii Abela is a multi-awarded international leader and motivational speaker, matchmaker, and an acknowledged expert on soul mates. Co-author of four international bestselling books—including Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life Vol. 1 & 2, Lorii helps singles find their soul mates using the Law of Attraction. If you have been wondering how you can turn your light on, wow, and enchant your soulmate into entering your life, Lorii has answers! Call (312) 235-2688 to set an appointment.
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41 Responses to How to Find True Love After Divorce

  1. Franko says:

    to Lorii, thank you very much for your support

  2. Lorii says:

    Franko,I can understand your sentiment. That is a good avenue to meet people. I also salute you as you have the intention to meet someone and find happiness that you deserve. I will however, suggest to be open to other opportunities. Do not put a limiting belief that there are not enough good women who would like to get to know you nor most women play hard to get. Remember that what you focus on, will become your reality. Your soulmate will not miss you for whatever reason. Happy Manifesting! :)

  3. Franko says:

    The best way to possibly find true love after a divorce would be a friend or a family member to introduce you to someone that they know that is seriously looking too. It is very hard for many of us serious men to go out on our own and meet a good woman, since so many of the women today are really not looking to meet a good man like us anymore. Now that many of them play very hard too get, certainly makes it worse.

  4. Lorii says:

    Juliet, Of course, I would like to be able to showcase information that would be able to help women, like me and you, who are in their 40s. Everyone has their own situation and challenges that can be a hindrance to meeting their One. You are not the only one who is in the same boat. It is indeed great that you can be open in sharing your experience. The good new is when you are looking at what you do not want, the Universe is also working its ways to find solutions for you. I have lived in New York City for 8 years and I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been in the same situation. I suggest take a dating diet for a while. Enjoy being you. Do not focus on the hunt. Doing things without an expectation of meeting someone releases you from your fears. One of which is being alone. Meetup is certainly a good place to start and meet new people….have fun and at the same time pursue your interest. Depression can be felt by another person right away even through your profile. Whatever you focus on expands. Only by starting to love yourself would you realize that you are ready for your One to show up. There is definitely someone for you if you believe it. Goodluck to your book Juliet. I wish you love and happiness. You are deserving. Shoot me a message anytime. Love,Lorii

  5. Juliet Jeske says:

    So I google my name a lot because people tend to quote my articles on Huffington Post. I always want to let anyone know that Huffington Post has a fairly open policy, anyone can submit. You just have to win over the specific editors of the section you are trying to get published in. I used to make videos for comedy and now I write for divorce. I got lucky twice, but anyone can do it. I certainly didn’t have any credentials when I started but thanks to the exposure on HuffPo I have an agent and I am working on my first book.

    That being said I will add that at least in the online dating world so many men my age will do the following. Male age 38 seeking women 22-35. It is brutal. And I see it over and over and over again…for some reason 35 is the cut-off. I will usually ignore it and send them a quick email anyway, most of which I never hear back from. I may never know WHY I never hear back from the men, but the age range is always in the back of my mind. Why a man wouldn’t consider a woman is own age is beyond me, but I see it so often that it just depresses me to no end. I don’t know if it is a confidence issue with me but the more I try to date the worse things seem to get. I also live in New York city which is notoriously bad for all genders and all ages. Bad behavior tends to run rampant when there are no consequences to ones actions and in a city of 8 million it is really easy to become anonymous.

    I really think something about our consumer based society has brought this on, some men and some women think they can just order up a spouse on dating sites as they get so specific and kind of ridiculous in what they are looking for, everything literally becomes a deal breaker. I hear this not just from women but from men, and it seems to get worse as people get older.

    I am self-employed and I don’t meet men in my line of work, and I don’t drink so bars are a total waste for me, so if I go offline…I don’t meet anyone. I am starting to join Meet Up groups because they are less pressure and more enjoyable than meeting awkward strangers on basically blind dates that don’t lead to anything. I have written a lot more about the subject, my most popular post right now is simply called Dating After Divorce: Why it is so hard in your late thirties where I discuss children, jobs, schedules and broken damaged people all playing a part in the struggle to find a mate. I am not saying there is no hope, but dating in your late thirties and early forties is just a different game then dating in your twenties.

    Thanks for re-posting the article! I always have more coming, and yes I didn’t know Wife Shoppers existed until I met a few and I was just blown away by them, they completely freaked me out. HA!

  6. Lorii says:

    Thanks for sharing your story, Susan. It is always good to hear that people find wonderful mates after 40 and after divorce. It gives hope to many who are still wondering about their situation.

  7. Lorii says:

    You gotta believe that your mate is also ready to meet up with you, Lawrence.

  8. Lorii says:

    Yes, Michele. The more complex, the more opportunities, too.

  9. Lorii says:

    Yes, Jennifer. It happens when you surrender. I have personal friends who have found peace in the idea that they were going to be old maids. When they did, then love came. One of them said, it was all worth the wait at 50!

  10. Lorii says:

    Sherie,You are just one amazing woman. I also like your enthusiam in cheering all the other women in believing that there are wondeful men in the world! That is a testimonial that what you believe becomes your reality. Thanks for sharing.Best,Lorii

  11. Lorii says:

    Very well said, Kim H. Love shows up when you are least expecting it.

  12. Lorii says:

    That is a great testimonial, Lisa. I am happy for you. You created your reality!

  13. Lorii says:

    That is a great story, Julie. Thanks for sharing. You look fabulous even you are over 40. I like your guidelines, too. Baggage is just one of the important factors to consider. Nowadays, you just have to be patient. Thank God, your Prince showed up in due time. I guess, as is so huge, there gotta be some wins over there. Enjoy!

  14. Lorii says:

    That is true, Nancy. It is funny you mentioned the people in your local area watching your actions. Imagine if your ex is also in the same area and you live in a small town.

  15. Lorii says:

    In these times, Rhonda, there is something of everything.

  16. Lorii says:

    Jennifer,Yes, I think the fountain of youth is catching up with our generation. That is good news for all the ladies. I heard that the top 10 sexy women list have women aged over 50! Enjoy!Lorii

  17. Lorii says:

    Hello Michael, Thank you for your candid reply. I would imagine, the lady for you would be so fortunate to have you as you have a solid grasp of what a commitment is. There is a reason why you are attracting the same kind of women. If you believe in your heart that there is someone out there for you, she does exist. There is also a reason why she has not showed up yet. If you have any questions, please send me a message. Happy Manifesting!Lorii

  18. From the take of a 44 year old man who has never been married there may be other reasons. I still don’t feel the need to marry and haven’t really had the desire for children. I really just never found that special someone who I’d want to spend every day with. Maybe she doesn’t exist? I don’t know but if I marry it’s going to be a total commitment and not just for convenience. It seems the women I’ve been attracted to are already married and usually not happily or have other major issues so I don’t know if it’s just not meant to be or if someone else is meant for me but I’m not really in a rush. When it’s right I’ll go with it.

  19. Heather says:

    oooh I TOTALLY agree with what Lauryn said above. No matter WHAT the age, I find so often people don’t even START a project because they’re too nervous in their own skin. And dating for many is a PROJECT! Even when you’re not looking, but you happen to meet the right person, it’s hard work and dedication. Great article!

  20. Jennifer says:

    Hi Lorii, love your advice to “forget your age.” It’s always amazed me how people limit themselves because of their age. Truly, it’s just a number. I know 40 year olds who seem 20 and 20 year olds who seem 40. Age is only a limitation if you make it one. As for “wife-shoppers” – doesn’t sound like a very good formula for relationship success to me, but good luck . . .

  21. Vicky Savellis-Grant says:

    Great article! I’d never heard of “wife shoppers” but I’m sure I’ve met some along the way. I agree… be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.

  22. Are there husband-shoppers too?

  23. Kelly says:

    Good article Lorii. I agree. Your age is not important as your readiness and openness to love.

  24. Nancy Olson says:

    I can imagine that starting to date after many years would be hard. I think it would be even harder in your local area as you may have the feeling of all eyes on who you might be seen with after a divorce, the feeling of what everyone with think of you.

  25. Great article, Lorii! Must be so hard to be back in the dating scene; frankly, not sure I would ever do that again. It’s a lot of work to keep a relationship healthy! (-_-) Thanks for sharing!
    The LEARNED Preneur @ NormaDoiron.Net

  26. Hi Lorii, I have been there done that. I left my marriage after 24 years and over 40. I was lucky in that I didn’t suffer from self-doubt about myself as I was the one to end the relationship – not that I am perfect LOL FAR from it. However, I welcomed the opportunity to get a second chance. My guidelines were simple. Anyone who had heavier baggage than I did was not an option and I wanted someone who wasn’t looking for a mommy – I already have 2 grown children. I was lucky in that I found that person – would you believe – on I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my “perfect match”!

  27. Solvita says:

    Interesting article. I never heard about wife shoppers before. I think true love can’t come from math, it is much deeper than that or it is not true. Sometimes people end up with the same type of person as before, if they haven’t solved their issues through personal growth. Thank you Lorii for sharing! :)

  28. Tara says:

    Great article. it must be really hard getting back into the dating scene.

  29. Great post, Lorii. I am one of the over 40 divorced women and it was very hard getting back into the dating world. I tried online dating but that was a disaster. I kept focusing on healing my heart.. and it worked! Thanks again.

  30. Kim Hawkins says:

    I married late in life (after 40). It’s amazing the tests men will put you through trying to determine “what’s wrong with you?” when you’re not married at XX age. I found it had more to do with them than me. I fortunately found my mate (who like myself was not looking) and our honeymoon still continues. We all have a story, we all have something to offer, we just have to be willing to give ourselves the chance to present it to the right audience.

  31. Gina Parris says:

    These are great tips and so right on! Sometimes the joy is in enjoying the moment and each person for who they are, not focusing so much on what is right or wrong about each one for the future.

  32. AJ says:

    I’m not divorced, but it’s a great post!

  33. Sherie says:

    Wow, Lorii, this is an eye opener. I had never heard the term “wife shopper” before. As someone who found the love of my life at 38 (as a divorced mom of 4), I consider myself to be both lucky and blessed. He didn’t even ask if I wanted to have more children, it was my idea! We went on to have a son when I was 40 (his first biological child). He is indeed a gem!! Thanks for the great article! I would encourage all women out there to know that there are wonderful men in the world. : D

  34. Great article and like so many, I too agree that we not only need to look at ourselves, but we need to love who we are…until we do, it will be difficult to love another. Once I gave up the search for a man, I met my husband (nearly 10 years ago) and it’s been wonderful! Thanks for sharing!

  35. Marie says:

    This is a good article and definitely needs to be shared with a few people I know. I have to agree with your previous commenters. You have to learn to be happy with yourself; until you do that, you’ll never find lasting happiness with anyone else.

  36. Michele says:

    Great article. It’s amazing how dating never gets easier, only more and more complex!

  37. Lawrence says:

    Oh, I wish that I could also find my mate. I thought I had but her parents did not agree and she said “Bye”. And no, she was not underage, almost 30.

    Now I am in the pool again and frankly loving every minute of it.

    But truthfully my mother passed away a month ago and I really wanted a special someone to be there for me. My sister’s dog did not come round often enough.

  38. Thank you, for a great article Lorii! This really resonated with me, as I was 43 years old when I left my marriage of 23 years. On top of it all, I move to a different state 100’s of miles away. I starting dating and then decided to just focus on healing & growing myself,and that is when I met the love of my life. We have been married for almost 10 years. I am very blessed.

  39. This is a great article and one I will share with my sister. There is a possibility to start over but after they are sure and happy with themselves. Then and only then will they be happy with anyone else. Thanks for sharing!

  40. Lorrie says:

    Wow, how sad to be pigeon-holed into such a minimal aspect of our human presence. You gave the best advice!


  41. Lauryn Doll says:

    Good article. I think many times people psych themselves out of the dating pool before they begin by focusing too much on what’s wrong with them. Sometimes you have to face your fears – of looking within to make yourself better – and meeting new people.

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